Bad Romance

Romance Awareness Month

Romance has always made me feel uncomfortable. It can be a thin veil for coercion and manipulation so I’m going to rummage about and share what I mean. There is a lot to be cynical about and I will explain why and how I have re framed it to find it tolerable. I’m going to be on instagram and twitter playing with the ideas of flipping the roles and messing with the hetronomative roles of romance and maybe even over sharing in my stories.

eh?

“What is this holiday about?This holiday is a celebration of romance. The goal of this observance is to make the public aware of how important romance is and how important romance is to our relationships.. Way to often romantic efforts go unnoticed and that’s why August is Romance Awareness Month. Notice and appreciate your partners efforts no matter how big or how small.

Origin of this Holiday Our research did not find the creator of this day. We did however find that this holiday has been celebrated for many many years. There is plenty of documentation to support that this holiday does indeed exist. “www.gone-ta-pott.com

NOPE

Let me take you back to September 2017. A man set up his piano on College Green, Bristol to let his former partner – he only referred to as ‘Rapunzel’ – know how he felt about her. Man vows to play piano non-stop until ex of four months takes him back But his stunt spectacularly backfired as he was labelled a ‘stalker’, ‘sociopath’, and ‘creep’ by thousands on social media who failed to sympathise with his plight.

This was so interesting to watch because it consolidated a lot of my feelings about public, one sided “displays”. In a time where we are becoming more vocal and aware of how vulnerable people become when they reject emotionally unregulated men, women-were-brutally-attacked-for-rejecting-men These men aren’t renegade bandits or super villains, they are in our communities men-are-killing-thousands-women-year-saying-no.

There is no one way to fix it, but by simply describing your bad romance experiences we can open discussion and start to reshape romance so that it fits every one safely. There are times now where I look back and see not romantic efforts but misogynistic persistence that won my decision making. It’s gross. I know I’m jaded, I see a man carrying flowers and hear this narky voice in my head(yeah that’s my mother) saying “Oh he’s in trouble, wonder what he’s apologising for” Which sucks. Romance is traditionally a game where a woman or her body is the prize. No one should every be won over, it should be mutual. Romance in terms of big gestures is unsustainable, always having to out do the last effort made. It leans into materialistic BS that sites the femme in the roll as a “gold digger” BORE OFF. I don’t trust romance, I was raised on Disney, watching my first crush loose her voice and tail for chance to be with a guy she’d obsessed over, to live in a world that was new and exciting. er life hanging on a kiss. EWWW gross gross gross!

Crush the patriarchy and take back romance!

I want to hear your bad romance, what have you learnt? Mostly I want to hear switching the norm rolls, the totally individual feel good human appreciation stuff.   Do you do stuff with a buddy because you love and appreciate them and do something for them that you know brings them joy? just because they deserve joy!  Fuck the binary, if you want to shower your lover with petals and do candle lit whatever I wanna hear about it!( not the bumping ugglies bit though….TMI) I would love to see more non sexual, exploitative manipulative, costly or coercive romance stories.  Join in the conversation come find me on social media and let me know what you think of romance. I’ll be putting up questions and polls on insta stories.

Recently my partner made a fish pie, I token helped, it was so damn delicious, creamy and wholesome. The next day I got a message ” Good morning Fish Pie…”

I loved that.

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