Visible & Valid
Some of you may know it was MerMay recently, which has been exciting to watch. Such and such drew a beautiful mermaid, who just looked so cool! Like, I really wanted to hang out with her but wouldn’t know what to say! I was taken back to my first crushes,one that I initiated(weird way to but it but trauma does odd things to a brain, but this crush was wholly my choice) Arial was EVERYTHING. It makes sense because I was being forced to kiss some boys and swung round and round by my hair by another. But I never let it settle in. I had plenty of boyfriends, well versed in the relationships of men, at 18 I rejected them. Boldly stating I was a lesbian. But deep down knowing I was lying, but the stigma of Bisexuality was so strong, I didn’t want to be “greedy” or “confused”. I had two girlfriends, I was horrible, I’m sorry. Turns out it wasn’t my relationships with men that were all wrong but my frame work for relationships in general that was totally off kilter. That’s a whole other thing.
A decade later here I am, cataclysmically ended a long standing on off thing with a fantastic woman, so far in the closet it was painful, got married to a man, that was all kinds of wrong. Now Im with a man, he’ll do. (I’m not that mean, it’s an in joke full of good feels) In this decade I have learnt why I was so insecure about my sexuality, myself, and that’s ok. What’s not ok is the continuing stigma and hostility within the LGBTQ community towards the very valid B. If the community can’t get be supportive then the model of how the rest of the world follows it’s lead is flawed. Maybe it’s generational, maybe it’s just the “mean old gays”(who did have it really hard).
I had been drawing non binary mamasaurus for a while, trans and transitioning, exploring some of the politics and struggle faced by individuals on a larger comunnity scale but also within the LGBTQ comunity, the struggles seem to be generational, there is a rigidity that is loosening that allows space for the unknown, for acceptance of uncertainty. In reflection this also changes the dialogue about bisexuality, for me, I could continue an investigation and change my lable. I’m not going to though. I’m sticking with the B. Fuck the stigma, it honestly could be worse. Im happy with who I am, it just took a while to get there. I have so much love for the bold and the brave out there making changes, living their life, their struggle visabley, It’s that that matters, that that makes change. Being visible and being heard is what’s gotten us this far, carry you on! The more visible we are as a community, the more solidarity, the more confidence will come through generations, can you imagine a generation growing into their sexuaity not hearing derogotory terms about sexuality? The mind boggles at the idyllic thought.
You do you, the rest will eventually fall into place.
Don’t be alone
If you’re struggling with anything remeber it’s good to talk, we all do it in our on way in our own time, there ae lots o different ways to access support, you are your own responsibility, so look after yourself. Here are a few suggestins for support, if you know any LGBTQ friendly services pop them in the comments section.
https://www.mindout.org.uk/ Mental Health Service
https://turn2me.org online counselling
For the younger trans generation