Where ever or what ever your out there is, overcoming it far out weighs the fear of the unknown. Being on the inside is comfortable, even when it is fraught with guilt and maybe. Getting out feels good. Pokemon Go folk will tell you that in a heart beat. Getting out there is filled with anxiety and what if’s, but it’s good to make some horrific mistakes.
If I never made any mistakes I would’t have learnt any thing. I had the luxury and weight of growing up being able to make all the mistakes I could. The problem I’ve found with this is that I was never accountable for my mistakes. So I never really learnt from them.
Being 30teen has taught me so much, only because I have friends who have imparted there wisdom of being a woman and being over thirty. It is by far the most refreshing and turbulent time of my existence so far.
What the hell is being out there? Why the heck might it be so scary? It’s about being honest with yourself. Honest about your limitation and how you don’t limit yourself and how you don’t let others limit you. Or even the mere perception of such things. Perception is a tricky little beast. When I started worrying less about how I might be perceived and started thinking more about who and what I am, tonnes of stuff became easier. It is every thing that encompasses NO FUCK GIVEN mentality. This is what I do, this is what I am. I’m trying this and if I fuck-up, I don’t care who cares! because I care, about who I am and what I’m going to be.
Tonight I have sat with a few different bits of writing, my writing, some of it is guff, but guff that has a place to go, some of it I cherish, and I’m scared of letting it out into the world, but I will when it is ready. I would never have been able to get to this point if I hadn’t gone OUT THERE, into the unknown, into the space that scares the hairs off me. Having made a barrel of mistakes I’m totally accountable. I now know the value of my judgement and the critical opinion of those I trust. (This is a giant sentence of winning life.) It is small but it’s power is relentless.
Also I have some work that pushes even my own bounderies. Asylum16 The Undercroft Norwich. Opening 12th August.
It’s scary but I’m going out there.