Do you ever have the feeling you’re going around in circles?
Ever one does. There is some thing comforting in repetition, even if we are unaware of it. I have watched, judged others make the same mistakes over and over, giving little thought to my own loops. It’s not a nice feeling, the creeping in of awareness, your own mistakes and behaviours. I have had to turn my self around, in the deep trenches I have been living through, coming face to face with the behaviours, thoughts and actions that have trapped me in my loops.
Time to cut the loops. I didn’t have much choice in were to start cutting, I was at the bottom and I was very stuck. Change is scary, but it’s a great way to learn. I have a new surface to work on. Like fresh ground, I have to start making new grooves and hope they don’t become deep trenches. Trenches can flood, the walls can fall in around you. Going around in circles is boring. I’m learning to side step, spin round and look at new loops. It can be as simple as asking for help, so simple but difficult.
Loops are in everything, habits in how we eat or drink, work, stress, think, love. How our childhood and history teach us to behave; governs much of the shape of relationships and how we view our selves in the world. I have a choice, I’ve only just begun to realise how to make real choices, it’s uncomfortable and scary, because it’s new and that’s OK. I’m learning to lean into that uncomfortable space because I can learn lots of new and interesting things.
Now where is my axe! A scalpel just won’t cut it!