Confidence, Putting on The Hat.

This little wheeler bird, part of a wheeler bird series, has out on a swanky hat, it has given the bird a certain amount of pomp and self confidence.

It’s time I put on this hat. I have things to do, and someone to be, in order to get there; I have to do the thing. It is frustrating and scary and also very exciting. ‘The thing’ is like a primary objective, mission statement or the end goal. To get it done takes one big step or several small ones. Mine is taking several smaller ones. A workshop has been ordered, it’s base is due to go down in a few weeks. This is very exciting, it is also scary, it’s all forwards, no back steps now. Another small step is getting a car, before that, require a licence, I live in a beautiful small city, I’ve got away without a motor for far too long.

I’m cautious about writhing what my plans are; they’re quite loose at the moment. My main focus is selling my past life on eBay, getting a licence and drawing, drawing just for drawing and drawing things to sell. I need to do the things to make money before I do the deep and meaningful projects with integrity. It became apparent recently that I’m good at not spending money, saving it and keeping it, just in case. Now the time to spend it has come I become incredibly anxious, because once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Spending cash on investments like workspace and transport is easily rationalised, but putting your work on onto an object in bulk, buying stock, branding, promotion, there are so may things I have to learn on the business side it, learn by doing, learn from my mistakes. I want to create a system that ticks over nicely, but that seems so far away. My big fear is that there won’t be enough income from the stock to buy new stock. I am talking small beans here; I’m not buying boxes of rubber ducks by the thousands.

The idea this month and I better get on it, is to have a small bulk of Christmas cards to sell, I have to work out the cost of the cards as a finished product, how much do I sell them for in order to make them profitable and is it worth doing. This probably sounds quite small and insignificant, not really a problem but if I get it wrong there is no getting the cash back and I’m strapped for the next project. There isn’t an infinite number of times I can make mistakes before it becomes non viable.

This thing, my business, buying selling and being creative, it’s to keep me out of a horrific office job, or any job where I have to fork out the majority of my earnings for childcare expenses. Two of my very good friends, I shared a creative educational experience with, left uni and got jobs, office jobs, void of anything creative or nourishing, bills where paid and confidence waned. Recently, in quick succession they left their jobs to do some thing they wanted to do. Ones teaching English in Taiwan and the other has taken a managerial post in a framing company. I’m so proud and happy for them and it has crystallised some of my own feelings and ideas.

I don’t want to fail, get 9-5 and have to wait to do “the thing” when I’m much older. So now is the time to do the thing!
I’m putting on the hat.

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